Now you can log on and get personalised messages sent to your friends and family from the biggest, meanest, badass on the planet. Sam wants just one thing from you - “Go see Snakes on a Plane. Because Snakes on a Plane might just be the best ever motion picture ever made!”

Or it might not, Sam isn’t prepared to argue the finer cinematic points and neither am I lest he turn his venom on me. As he told me earlier, “you don’t wanna mess with me on this one”.

It might be already too late - “Daryl, start wasting all your free time surfing the internet, do as I say and you live”

Uh...ok