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This weekends recommend is one of Ireland’s most famous exports, Riverdance which starts it’s run in Killarney this weekend.
This spectacle of frenzied feet has inspired some unusual online parodies including this one.
Fed up with going out with complete losers, it looks like Jordan lookie likie, Jodie Marsh has finally decided to settle down and get married.
The decision is made, all the arrangements are in place – except for one small detail – a husband.
Rather than looking for love in all the usual places – such as her local drinks emporium or the internet Jodie has a much better idea. She’s inviting applications, and then holding open auditions for her hubby to be. “I’m just a normal girl and I want to try and find true love”.
Of course you are, that’s why the whole shebang is being filmed for a reality tv show. Visit marryjodiemarsh.com and you can apply to be Jodie’s other half. Beware - although she says she’s looking for a soul mate, it’s more likely she’s looking for a cheque mate.
Let’s face it, unless you’re the person who puts the fig in the fig rolls or the person who invented the hot air balloon, work life is pretty boring.
Well, it’s time for boredom to be banished with the help of this weeks site. The Bored List is a list of things to do when you’re bored in the office. Start by inhaling deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can preferably ending on an amusing note. This could work well if you’re on the factory floor but not so well in a library.
Pretending you’re a robot has a further 1-3 minutes amusement potential – adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion for best effect. Again, location is key. If you’re in a busy office that’s fine, but think twice if you’re an undertaker on the job.
Keep boredom from biting by “Picking up a dog so it can see things from your point of view” with a whole new perspective – seeing tops of counters, tops of shelves, etc. This approach requires preperation and the advance procurement of a friendly dog, although potentially it could be any animal – except for a giraffe.
This Weekend’s Recommend is the Red Bull X Fighter rock n roll meets freestyle motocross event imploding all over Slane Castle on Saturday
Promising a mix of motocross mayhem and choice tunage courtesy of Ash, The Blizzards and Director amongst others.
If you’ve never heard of Freestyle Motocross or FMX as the kids call it, then think of someone doing a wheelie on a bike – now imagine that bike upside down 500 feet in the air with the person hanging on using just one pinky.
The website has a tricktionary or tricks dictionary showing some fmx moves which sound about half as scarey as they look. There’s the Superman Backflip, the Cliffhanger and the Tsunami.
If you can’t make the event it’s being webcast live online but warning, do not try any of these stunts at home unless you are a insane or b made of rubber.
Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Kofi Annan. In their time they were the world’s peacekeepers – people who sought to spread love and understanding, building peace in our time.
Now, thanks to the evidence of one online video it appears their work might have been in vain. According to the makers, furthering the cause of peace and harmony in the world will not be achieved by disarming armies or terrorising terrorists. The solution isn’t on the battlefield it’s in the bathroom.
Their evacuation etiquette has nothing to do with Iraq and everything to do with urinals. According to them if all men could follow some basic bathroom rules the world would be a safer, cleaner place.
Did you know, for example, that under no circumstances should two adjacent urinals be in use at the same time. Coughing is acceptable, but any noise in a public restroom which does not emanate from the plumbing is considered extremely undesirable.
Finally, the sanctity of the bathroom should never be defamed with conversation so you should save any jibber jabber til after the action. The video concludes that if men can find common ground the world will be one step closer to peace and harmony.
Maybe it’s true or maybe….they’re just talking arse.
Taking it’s lead from the US campaign, Ireland’s rock the vote campaign is targeting the increasingly fickle and disinterested yoof constituency - urging them to rock the political boat by rocking the vote.
Utiliising digital media, the campaign features a stellar cast of stars (step up Dara O’Briain, Grainne Seoige, Mario Rosenstock, Ryan Tubridy, Rick O’Shea, Sean Moncrieff, Cillian Murphy and more) soundbiting encouragements via Youtube vids.
Most are apolitical endorsements except for Dan from TVs Dans and Becs fame who takes sides saying he’d never vote for a short person – namely Napoleon, Mao...or Paddy Casey
And, when Louis Walsh dutifully intones Rock The Vote you can’t help thinking he’s been duped into thinking he’s re-auditioning…. for the next series of X Factor.a
Straight from Mini Bytes HQ, your Weekend Recommend is the Patrick Kavanagh Poetry Weekend offering the chancing to re-discover the works of Ireland’s ploughman poet.
Before you cock your snoot at the idea of a poetry weekend, let’s re-examine Paddy’s credentials courtesy of his website.
Far from being uncool, some say PK was a bit like an olden day JT. Both courted controversy, Justin with Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction and Patrick with Tarry Flynn – a book which was banned on original publication.
Both are multi-talented - JT as a writer, singer, actor and restauranteur and when he wasn’t mining the land for prose PK was minding the goal for his local GAA team.
Finally, Patrick’s Kavanagh’s work is said to have a lyrical, melodic quality and perhaps he could have been a singer if only he hadn’t lacked the confidence – well so would you if you came from a place called Mucker.
Forget Iraq, Afghanistan or the Sudan. Real guerilla warfare is being waged elsewhere not by an emphatic dictator but by a man called Richard.
His war involves one on one combat, necessary stealth and specialist expertise. Impervious to danger, fearless in the face of inclement weather, his frontline is the neglected herbaceous borders and his rank is the highest in the horticultural world - guerilla gardener.
Richard became a guerilla gardener when he decided to cultivate some neglected garden areas in London. Before he knew it, his war against the neglect of space had gathered pace and an army of trowel wielding toilers were on hand to assist.
Via his guerilla gardening blog, the word has spread with volunteers converting patches of fading filth into blooming fauna all over Europe even though it’s a thankless task.
Fight a war to create a democracy and you’re all over the news, but try and create a shrubbery well nobody bats an eyelid….
Before things went Babyshambles, Pete Doherty and Carl Barat were partners in rhyme and the new darlings of the London indie scene. When the band split it seems they had different ideas....
If you believe the papers, Pete was hellbent on ending his life, whereas Carl wanted to save everyone elses.
Well, that’s going on the evidence of a game called Roadie Runner. Backed by Carl’s current ensemble, Dirty Pretty Things it’s designed to highlight road safety. To play, you have to ferry the bands roadie across a busy road to collect instruments for their gig. Fail to dodge the traffic and you’re looking at some roadie roadkill.
As a means of raising road safety awareness Roadie Runner is quite clever but lacks some rock n roll realism. The character in the games is super slim and conservatively dressed with no tattoos, bum cleavage, beer belly or pony tail. Maybe they’re an imposter drafted in because the real roadie has done a runner…
This weekends recommend is the British Touring Cars Championship taking place at Mondello.
Ahead of that, we’re veering off the beaten track and onto the internet abode of Top Gear for an answer to the question - what do you get when you combine clueless car owners, tasteless tat and a spanner ? Answer - carbage.
The peeps at Top Gear have dedicated a whole section to hideously modified motors of which there are many. Confusing animal metaphors abound - there’s a beetle bug which has been made to resemble a mouse complete with fur and whiskers…and a fiat panda which looks like a fiat dolphin thanks to the addition of tail spoiler and fin roof rack.
The Mini Mini could only be driven by a toddler or a leprechaun, but top marks go to Mel from Mel’s Hot Dogs who’s created the best Carbage ever - his beetle doubles as a billboard complete with protruding frankfurter.
What could be cuter than a rabbit in repose - with ears akimbo, nose aloft and dinky teeth on display for all to see, the yawning rabbit is a rare sight.
According to people who profess themselves to be expert in the sphere of tired animals, the rabbit yawn lasts a mere 2 seconds so the likelihood of catching the moment on film is slim to none.
But, a group of bunny huggers have defeated those odds to contribute to the world’s only bunny yawn webpage.
Bunny enthusiasts from all over the world have uploaded pictures of their beloved Bugs or Thumper displaying his gnashers for all the world to see.
But, it the bunny yawn is so rare how have all these people managed to catch them on camera ? Well, a bunny yawn is almost indistinguishable from a bunny yelp of pain and some of these rabbits look like they may been at the very least coerced into delivering that sleepy look.
Alas, this could be a case for the ISPCA. When the stakes are high and bunny fame is at stake, maybe these over zealous rabbit rousers are succumbing to pressure and abandoning the carrot in favour of the stick.
Welcome to Voodoo Limbo home to an “inept gang of defunct and depressed voodoo dolls” who are sentenced to a life of mediocrity by their original creators for being - well - just too crap.
For them, the only escape is death. And should you choose to play the online game called Viva Voodoo then you can be the executioner.
Launch your chosen voodoo doll from a gang plank and then click again to hang them from a rope thus fast tracking them to the pearly gates.
Well, actually, not quite because the rope appears to be made of stretchier stuff producing a bungee effect meaning your doll will fly high into the sky before they crash to earth. The higher they go, the more points you get.
The real joy is this game’s presentation with bone crunching, head sqelching sounds used to great effect and with future gruesome episodes likely to be launched, it looks like the Voodoo Dolls could be undead for some time to come.
This Weekend’s Recommend is the All Ireland Amateur Drama Festival – one of the premier events of its kind in Europe concluding this weekend
But Stateside, someone else is talking up a completely different type of acting. 9 year old Susie Flynn is not happy and on her website you can find out about her affirmative action – “today I’m announcing my intention to run for President”
Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama watch your back because wee Flynn’s no nonsense approach takes no prisoners - “If you elect me as your next president, every child will get the health insurance they deserve”.
With an Irish election imminent and the health service in disarray, Susie sounds like the lassie for the job, and she’d make a good Taoiseach. When she’s finished reforming the health service, she could re-shuffle the cabinets replacing ministers with Teletubbies.
