The Galway Races are in full swing this week – promising an exciting spectacle for thousands of visitors but a dangerous one for those few riders who fall foul of a contrary nag.

Unless, of course they consider some safety apparel from one website. Say hello to the wearable horse air bag.

This human air bag as modelled by Juliane on their website… immediately inflates on impact to form a body cushion protecting the riders neck, spine, ribs and vital organs.

It’s a nice idea but I don’t see why the makers are limiting themselves to the niche equestrian market – the wearable human airbag could have numerous uses – protecting kids from playground bullies, vacuum packing school lunches or even filled with helium to offer a more environmentally friendly alternative to flying.

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Our frequent meanders across the internets back pages has revealed one thing the internet loves – cats.

Cats in uniforms, cat radio, cat herders even infinite cats but the one that takes the kitty biccy is a site dedicated to Cats that look like Hitler.

The difference between an ordinary cat and a cat that looks like Hitler could just be a patch of black below the whiskers resembling the dictators trademark tache.

Does your cat have one, are they a bit demanding with the saucer, inclined to be stroppy and unreasonable - maybe it’s time to re-interpret the significance of that single paw held aloft. What you thought was a kitten could in fact be a kittler. Don’t worry thanks to this site you’re amongst friends. But, if you’ve got a dog that looks like Mussolini – well you’re in real trouble

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There’s two types of traveller. The tourist type who likes gaping at old buildings, air conditioned coaches and Irish stew....

Then there’s the other type who couldn’t care less about the famous sights, who’s idea of hell is the book of kells…The first is well catered to but the second now has a holiday guide etched especially for them. It’s called the Citizens Guide and it’s a travel guide aimed at the anti-tourist.

According to this site - The Paris Guide doesn’t mention the Louvre and The New York guidebook snubs the Statue of Liberty. One Irish city is noted for it’s rows of semi-detached houses, pasty women in woeful pink sportswear and pubs where most of the population lives.

These guides written by locals will appeal to those who favour realism Ireland over Tourism Ireland.

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There’s no doubt that Sudoku is the quiz du jour – the addictive number puzzler that has captured the heart and chewed the pencil of many a games boffin.

However, this mental challenge can sometimes leave you feeling mentally challenged which is where this site comes in.

The site provides a sudoku system or cheat, depending on your point of view. Using the rudimentary implements a pen and an eraser you can fast-track your Sudoku session. So, if you’re stick of staring at an empty grid maybe it’s time to visit this site and think outside the box…But sshh…..just don’t tell Carol Vorderman….

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It’s summertime, and the only thing that isn’t easy is camping.

But now every festival goers pet hate, is a whole lot simpler thanks to the self pitching tent - a tent that goes from packed to pitched in just two seconds.

This miracle in tarpaulin works thus - just toss it in the air and watch it magically assemble as a readymade tent. Although, don’t toss it too high or you’re self pitching tent could become a self flying tent.

Quibbles aside, the self pitching tent has been lab tested to ensure durability and water protection but the real question is can it’s double roof and polyethylene ground sheet cope with the combined noxious body and foot odours emitted from a cluster of unwashed students. I doubt it.

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Reports of human abductions are old hat but one site is reporting a more sinister variant….

Alien cow abductions – over 100,000 to date according to the site

The last thing Ireland’s agricultural industry needs is interference from nefarious cownappers so affirmative action must be taken. The site suggests applying alien deflector shields or tin foil, or using the cow crow, a sinister looking anti alien device and some are even disguising their milkers.

Remember, if you see any friesians being frisked, bovines being beamed up then contact the relevant authorities. Working together maybe we can keep these beef burglars at bay.

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There hasn’t been this much crying since the class goldfish was found floating belly-up in junior infants. Big Brother 7 - the king of car crash telly is in full flow.

If you think this year’s motley crew remind you of the cast of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”…well they look a lot like some other people too.

You don’t need to be Einstein to work out which housemate looks like Vernon Kay, but one email attachment doing the rounds reveals Jim Carrey’s stunt double…David Hasselhoff’s doppelganger and the housemate separated at birth… from a Klingon warrior.

I wonder how Nikki will react when she realises here Big Brother Lookie Likies is none other than Vanessa Feltz

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Do you have trouble separating head and bed every morning ?

Well, this site is here to make mornings more tolerable by letting you download and use a personalised wake up call (with a difference). For the fellas there’s sultry Lucy.

For the ladies there’s Sheldon - a second rate Barry White. Mmmm mmm.

And for everybody else there’s the decidedly creepy tones of a guy praising your “awesomeness”
- conjuring up images of a sweaty serial killer with a lisp, holding a warm cup of coffee in one hand and an axe in the other. That should get you out of bed.

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According to todays site, revenge is a dish best served stuffed.

That’s why they’re selling a custom severed horse head – the perfect gift for the wannabe wise guy with a morbid sense of humour.

Before you call the ISPCA, the horses head pillow may be actual size but it isn’t an actual horses head – it’s made from soft synthetic and felt that’s apparently comfortable to sleep on. For the recipient, it’s your way of allowing them to get a better sleep.......a better sleep with the fishes that is.

This head in bed is very much tongue in cheek and at around 50 euro this nags head is an expensive joke…..I’m sure the makers would agree it’s not easy flogging a dead horse.

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We’ve all had a McGyver moment – the car punctures on a deserted road and you need to fashion a spare tyre from a mobile phone and a packet of polo.

This site has compiled an almost complete list of all the ways MacGyver used to get himself out of trouble, using suspiciously handy tools

When he needed a a rocket-propelled flare there just happened to be some bamboo, fertilizer, matches, a strip of cloth, a thin metal rod, a funnel, and a wooden spoon within easy reach. In another episode, he repairs a broken fuel line using only a ball point pen.

If McGyver were real he could be the perfect foil for Iraqi insurgents. When he was faced with baddies bearing bazookas all he needed was the ingenious application of shoe laces and a paper clip….

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Not content with being ousted from the world cup, the Aussies are fighting back by championing a new indigenous activity called pipping.

The new sports primary exponent is unlikely superstar Darren Starr - “pipping is about strength, focus and devastating reflexes”.

Well, maybe not - pipping simply appears to involve the flicking of watermelon seeds using the thumb and index finger. The de pipped watermelon can then be fashioned into a form of watermelon helmet or brain bucket… to protect the pip participant.

Maybe we shouldn’t mock. Pip training is very arduous. Apparently, to get his thumbs suitably dextrous, the fledgeling pipper spends hours practicing…..by texting the word zucchini pancakes over and over again.

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One man advertising himself on the web has taken the concept of corporate gobbledy gook and buzzwords to new and undreamt of heights.

Mr. Doubletalk, aka rubbery faced fast talker Durwood Fincher, introduces himself as “industry expert” Doctor Robert Payne, while delivering presentations designed to bemuse, confuse and ultimately amuse corporate audiences

Fincher even outdoes himself in the gibberish stakes with occasional tv appearances confusing occasional “celebrities” like Tom “I used to be married to Roseanne” Arnold with his expert opinions on the weather.

All of which goes to show you can never underestimate the earning power of verbiage twisted at an incontrovertibly acute angle of obfuscationary displacement.

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Did you know that Ireland has the highest chocolate consumption in the world, at 11.2 kilos per person per year ?

I didn’t either until I found a website which is lovingly overseen by Dingle resident Kieran Murphy - a chocoholic with a dream job – he’s an ice cream man.

Kieran clearly has a whole set of sweet teeth and a fondness for sharing his sugar fixation. On this site, you’ll find tonnes of calorie laden recipes for heart attack fodder like Guinness Ice Cream, Champagne Sorbet, Chocolate Chip Cookies and Chocolate and Chocolate sauce.

It’s time for some Summer indulgence. Give in to temptation and go loco for some cocoa and help Ireland stay top of the chocolate league. If we can’t win the world cup let’s keep the gold for fatty grub.

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Fame – do you want to live forever ? Well, you can’t but thanks to the internet you could have 15 seconds in the limelight.

One website has created an art project thingy creating 15 rectangular screens – each individual screen displays a random video clip. The site lets you upload 15 seconds of your own video footage into these screens for the world to see. As well as being online, the project will be exhibited in galleries and projected in spaces all around the world.

The idea is inspired by Andy Warhol who famously once said in in the future everyone will have 15 minutes of fame. Think of this site as a test run and don’t worry if you botch your 15 seconds – if it’s true you’ve still got 14 minutes and 45 seconds left.

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According to one online video, a new form of cowboy activity has taken hold.

Forget about cattle herding, cat herding is where it’s at. It’s no joke, out there on the plains a cowboy needs to be hard of heart and thick of skin.

It may be demanding but for these men reining in tiddles and escorting kittens is a vocation not a job - "Being a cat herder is probably about the toughest thing I think I’ve ever done".

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One ingenious equestrian website has decided to branch out by selling a saddle for kids so they can gallop around on their father’s back.

But just in case you think the manufacturers are a bunch of ruthless sadists with no feelings whatsoever for poor Dad, The “Daddle” as it’s cleverly called can also be accessorised with “horseshoes for dad.” Saving on needless wear and tear these soft cushiony creations are the kindly manufacturer’s way of alleviating any pain that Dad may suffer.

So if you have a cowboy crazed toddler with a fondness for playing horsey, playtime is a doddle with the daddle – the worlds first dad saddle. Just count yourself lucky they don’t sell any other horse related items for use on Dads - like a whip

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One site has been delivering web feeds of reports from the world cup fringes – a neat antidote to all the feel good vibes being inflicted by the mainstream media.

One report from someone called Oliver is unintentionally funny, delivered with all the scintillating intonation of a sedated Germanic statistician World Cup is the time of the media, newspapers, tv, radio they all make you suffer. The report tells the story of Oliver’s fruitless quest for tickets…a seemingly futile exercise….Because anyway there are no tickets….maybe his lack of luck is down to a lack of English….Let me explain you….Oliver’s explaining us doesn’t clear things up…..some have been lucky before and presented their achievements proudfully…..and when he says….the deciding question is do you sell your ticket to me…the answer is fairly clear

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A couple of weeks ago, we gave you the 30 most sensible ways to lose weight there are some more other unconventional approaches.

One website has a list of wacky diet inventions patented by people who obviously had too much weight on their hips and time on their hands

The all in one exercise suit is a space suit style contraption which means you have to exercise your muscles to make even the smallest exertion

The Butt Master is a nappy like device which tones your backside as you walk

The Hand Near Mouth Alarm is a sensor built into your watch which alerts any time your hand goes near your mouth……..

And the fork with the red light indicating stop - you’ve eaten too much can only cause trouble………..we’ve all heard of road rage but what about food rage…

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With attendance at mass falling many people are looking to secular areas for spiritual guidance.

One website has compiled the Men Commandments - a modern day list for the not so modern day macho man…….here’s some of the rules you need to follow if you want to stay in the bread winners club….

Thou shalt not buy a birthday present for another Man……even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional

Though shalt not let a friend wear Speedos. Ever.

Thou shalt not watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.

Thou shalt not own a cat or like thy girlfriend's cat.
And finally
Thou shalt not share an umbrella with another man

Sadly, we can’t guarantee following The Men Commandments will get you into heaven but they’re quite likely to put you in the doghouse.

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At this time of year, love is in the air, but it’s not that easy to find unless you know where to look.

One site has created the Secret Valentine test which helps you to pinpoint your perfect match. Type in a series of multiple choice questions about yourself and proceed to the end of the quiz. You’ll find percentage points for your various qualities including intelligence, wit, emotion, romance etc and suggestions on who your potential better other half might be.

These results are compiled using astrological plotting but a brief word of warning. My results suggested my perfect partner is one of the following star signs - Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces, Taurus or Virgo, Capricorn, Aries or Leo….

Which narrows the shortlist down to just about every female on the planet….

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There aren’t that many shopping days to Chrimbo and we’ve found a site for the person you think has everything.

That’s right you may think they have everything but what about a mirage maker, or a pair of personalized flip flops ok a polka dotted piggy bank, or even a set of scrabble cuff links. This site has everything for the couple who are tired of the traditional Christmas fare and want something a bit wackier.
You can choose from a number of kooky personalised gifts that show you really care or that you can’t be bothered braving the rain to actually go out to the shops….depending on your point of view

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“….Please Turn your computer sound on and set the volume level so you can hear me speaking clearly….”

The hunt for the world’s worst sound is being undertaken by the Acoustic Research Centre in Salford England.
Their aim is to find out what and why people don’t like certain sounds. Log on to the site and you can do your bit for science by voting for one of 30 aural clangers……..

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The football pundit of the modern age likes nothing more than numbers and stats – they are the glue which binds his commentary together.

Now, one website has come up with some world cup numbers you may not have considered….

France silenced their critics when they hammered Italy but was it really down to Zidane’s return or could it because they were table toppers when it came to tantrums. Italy’s German stay might have been shortened by the fact that they ranked number 2 for bullying referees…not a good idea.

And if you want to know why Serbia and Montenegro exited the competition with only zero points well maybe there was patriotic issues at stake – of all the teams they ranked the highest for not singing their national anthem.

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Joel Schmidt, a Brooklyn graduate in international business has a mission in life. It’s nothing noble like eradicating third world hunger or finding a cure for polio.

Nope, he wants to collect autographed copies of all the world’s presidents. To this end, he’s sent upwards of 208 request letters all over the world from Azerbijan to Palestine.

On his personal website, you can track the progress of this political pen pal crusade. President Samuel Schmid of Switzerland was the first to respond to this bizarre request with a personally signed mugshot. Tony Blair responded fifth but only with a faxed signature.

And, the Irish Taoiseach was the ninth premier to reply with a rather dapper portrait and a verified personal signature. It serves as a word of warning to all political lobbyists – if you really want to get Bertie’s ear then move to New York.

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Whatever your mood there’s a website to match it but the question is how do you find it ?

Now one portal can find a site to suit your state of mind. If you’re feeling stingy the you’ll be linked to a site filled with free stuff, if you’re feeling funny you’ll be sent to a site advising on a career in stand up, if you’re mood is moany then you’ll be taken to a site outlining the most effective way to complain.

All mood types are covered including peaceful, nostalgic, holy, destructive, light-headed, directionless, tremendous, Japanese, jet-lagged, lucky, lucky in love, totally integrated in a diversified marketplace, or blobby, blobby, blobby….. best of all, if you’re feeling angry you’ll be linked to a site with a workshop on how to count to ten…

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Remember that 25 volume, leather bound, gilt edged 5 tonne collection of Encyclopedia Brittanica we all grew up gandering at – well it’s shredder time…

For all your wordly needs you need look no further than wikipedia -the free online encyclopedia. It covers every topic under, around and about the sun and just about everything else in the galaxy. A search for something as random as a widget will bring up 384 different descriptions and wikipedia is one of the few places you can search for the meaning of life and find at least 5 different relevant answers.

Anyone can be an editor by volunteering articles, thoughts or comments becoming an honorary wikipedian in the process. So, wikipedia is good for the brain and the ego whereas encyclopedia brittanica is just good for the bonfire.

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The Winter Olympics brought us a dazzling array of snow based spectacles from biathlon to bobsleigh but surely there’s one extreme activity the Olympic committee has overlooked

It’s wheelbarrow freestyle, as developed by a bunch of english nutters. Formerly the preserve of the horiculturalist or builder, the barrow has been re-appopriated as an urban extreme sports utility vehicle with it’s own collection of racy moves including the Pop Jump and the fly through and it’s proponents have even appeared on Richard and Judy.

It sounds great but the aspiring freestyler should be warned the life span of a sporting barrow is only about six months. So, this sport could be expensive unless you ink a lucrative sponsorship contract with B & Q.

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I could introduce todays website but the makers do a far better job

You could take their quiz to establish if you’re a bit crazy in the coconuts although that may not be necessary if you like this site, take it from me (that’s all the proof you need) you’re weird.

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This is the song James Blunt’s record company would rather you didn’t hear…

Not officially released but available online it is of course a version of You’re Beautiful by the King of karaoke parody Weird Al Yankovich who’s previous hits include Eat It and Like a Sturgeon…

Entitled You’re Pitiful we can’t say for definite who it’s about but it’s a safe bet Weird Al won’t be on Blunts Christmas card list

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Everyone knows weddings are 2 % inspiration and 98 % perspiration. Why not consider Heron and Hough, the puffed up wedding planners from the movie Confetti.

The movies makers have created a website for you to avail of their expert advice. Fill in some details – would you prefer traditional, contemporary or outrageous, live band, dj or sing-a-long, indoors or outdoors and then watch as the duo shuffle across the screen with your customised plan.

Careful though, the dastardly pair aren’t exactly subtle. One suggestion was a Sound of Music Wedding set on a spinning hillside with a lederhosen decked groom and edelweiss accompaniment.

Nonetheless, for the groom it’s a great way of getting maximum bang for minimum buck and for the bride it’s what she’s always wanted – a day she’ll never ever forget.

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Makeup makeovers aren’t always effective but they’re usually expensive unless you go online.

The virtual makeover is being touted by one cosmetics company as a great way of trying out some hairstyles, cosmetics and accessories without all that troublesome bother of actually going shopping

Upload an image of your own head and you can superimpose the latest hairstyles, lipsticks, eye liners, hairclips, earrings and accessories to see whether you like the look or if that’s too much hassle then try the 1 click celebrity look to give yourself an instant Jessica Simpson bouffant or a stylish Stefani bob...

Don’t get too excited though, to make your virtual makeover a reality you’ll have to buy all the accessories which is when you realise being beautiful can cost a pretty penny

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For the lads the football season is a chance to see their favourite team, for the ladies it's a chance to gaze at that fine specimen of man – the professional footballer…

Scratching their chiselled jaws, flexing their perfectly toned muscle….it’s not all David Beckham though

One site has collected a whole load of damning evidence proving the existence of an alarming phenomena – yes it’s the ugly footballer. Trust me, you’ll be amazed at the amount of mouldy mullets, curvy combovers and pug ugly players who have graced the pitch for many major clubs.

The site even has a section for ugly fans, ugly refs and ugly injuries and you can play a version of ugly footballers trumps if your eyes can handle the pressure. It’s very unfair given that ugly footballers are at a professional disadvantage - it’s much more difficult to score a goal if you’re cross eyed.

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Cosmetic surgery used to be for the rich and famous – nowadays the nip and tuck stretch and suck culture is passing to the masses

Y’know someday people will get bored with being pretty and that’s when we’ll all need - the Uglifier - .a nifty piece of software designed to make you see what your face would look if you were pug ugly.

Upload any digital images and you can manipulate them with your magic hand……Pinnochio nose….no problem…….elongated forehead…..there ya go……gargoyle look….easy peasy……face like the back of a bus…..have it your way…and when you’re satisfied with the new look you can mail it to all your friends to see.

Remember being pretty is so last year - going under the knife is expensive and painful so buck the trend, forget about plastic surgery and try some uglifier plasticine surgery instead…

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You have to hand it to them – nobody makes bad tv badder than the Japanese and now the proof has been accumulated by one website for all to see.

Take the amazing Japanese show that helps you learn English through a variety of dance moves and bad movie scenes.

No do take it, take it away…there’s the movie show which pitted Stephen Spielberg against a samurai wielding presenter

and a game show called you eat spicier than me

yes if they wanted to reform tv couch potatoes we’ve found the remedy – three words, tv in Japan.

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Being consistently cool and trendy isn’t easy– so any help should be welcome.

This site has dedicated huge resources to revealing the worlds emerging trends. Their centre of hip operations is aided by a cool pool of 8,000 spotters – people who are paid to spot emerging trends all over the world. Sadly, you won’t find tips on next seasons couture but you will find plenty of buzzword mumbo jumbo…. Phrases like reconstructuring, counter-googling, excusumption and massclusivity are used to describe changing consumer patterns.

Ultimately all this trend spotting is there to facilitate marketers selling us more stuff we probably don’t need. So, next time you get an annoying telesales speak to them in a language they should understand. Tell them your insperience of their thrillboard wasn’t very positive and maybe they should consider tryvertising somewhere else..

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One of the most romantic movies of all time has got to be Titanic starring Leonardo Di Caprio and Kate Windslet.

One website has it’s own special homage called Titanic By Bunnies featuring rabbits in all the lead roles….compressing 3 hours into 30 seconds

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Movie remakes rarely live up to the original unless they try and do something radically different…

Serial comedian Steve Oedekerk has taken this idea to it’s logical conclusion and created a number of movie trailers recasting all the characters using thumbs. Tthe clever use of felt tip pin and wardrobe can make a thumb look surpisingly life like and the movies dialogue on the money.

Some of these thumb trailers are so good it’s a pity they can’t compete in the real oscars, if Thumb Wars were up against Star Wars in the real Oscars it would definitely win…hands down…

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Oscars aren’t the only gongs given out every year

For over 25 years, the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation has been proudly cremating cinematic crap - their annual Razzies ceremony takes place on Saturday.

Visit the site and you can vote for the worst picture, actor, director and screenplay amongst other categories. Nominees include Son of the Mask with a deserved 8 nominations and Tom Cruise with 3 razzie hopes. Don’t expect too many a listers to attend the ceremony although. Last year one celeb got a standing ovation when she turned up to collect a gong for her role in Catwoman – and why was she prepared to accept this ironic Raspberry award – maybe because her name is Halle Berry…

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If you believe most of the news on TV, nobody is truly safe from the threat of biological warfare.

That's why we have the Quantum Sleeper. This loony invention is basically a queen bed sized bullet earthquake and tornado proof wooden box offering the ultimate in protection, entertainment and communications. According to the website it even offers protection from kidnappers and stalkers…and has it’s own bio chemical filter and toiletry system…I wonder are they connected….…

Touch wood none of us will never need to experience the benefits of the Quantum Sleeper up close and personal but if we did then why oh why did they design it to look exactly like a coffin.

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If ever there were a complete work of art it was the Picture of Everything painted by Ron Halliss.

The idea started out simple enough…And then got a little bit more complicated…And then lots more complicated. Until Ron ended with 13,000 square inches worth of detailed picture.

And having completed his masterpiece what did Ron do with his labour of love – he set it on fire when it didn’t sell at auction. He’s now working on the picture of everything 2…

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Let's celebrate our Irishness with a greatest Irish poll which has been kindly compiled by this wacky Irish website…

The results are surprising to say the least….

At number 10 red lemonade is a surprise entry one place below Bosco, Podge and Rodge poll fifth two places ahead of Bono but according to the word of the great unwashed with an average rating of 8.5524 the greatest Irish thing are legendary raggle taggle rockers Horslips…although you’ve have to question the credibility of the poll when you consider the number two spot is occupied by County Tyrone…

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Back in the 60s we had the hip, finger-clicking combo the “Rat Pack - legendary crooners and would be wiseguys adored by millions.

Now we have the new Hollywood “Frat Pack” of Vince Vaughan, Will Ferrell, Ben Stiller and Jack Black. By comparison, a bunch of slacker wasteoids…
This group is equally adored by at least one website created by Kevin Crossman. It compiles an unhealthy amount of frat pack trivia, news and podcasts and even has this musical tribute to Jack from a lovelorn female fan
"Is he good or is he bad, I do not care. I want what he’s got, he’s all I need, when he rants and roars in his underwear".
Just imagine if the original rat pack had sung in their y fronts – now that would have been a real show stopper.

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Dan Brown isn’t the only person hawking his own biblical interpretation.

Step up, the Reverend Brendan Powell Smith, or just the Reverend to his friends – a lego fanatic who has re-cast 50 scenes from the Bible completely in lego. The Brick Testament features a miniature cast of plastic thousands including Jesus, Moses and the Disciples acting out epic scenes.

How difficult must it have been to coax emotive performances out of hard plastic figurines whose facial expressions are limited to eyebrow up and eyebrow down. It’s success indicates kids might be more inclined to follow the gospel if it was preached by Bob the Builder

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