Categories: June 2006

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June 30, 2006

Fluffy Fix

If you think of the typical US Marine is a gun toting, grenade lobbing, bomb detonating jarhead one website has evidence to the contrary.


Fluffy Fix

It’s a site devoted to all manner of fun filled furriness - a home to every adorable kitten, baby bird, bunny and puppy on the planet whose popularity has spread as far as war torn Iraq.

In between dodging bullets, repelling civil war and building a bold new democracy Commander Captain H has somehow found time to rescue a cute little hedgehog. He’s uploaded pics of his prickly pal onto the website for all to see proving that beneath some soldiers gruff exterior lies a cotton wool interior

The Da Vinci Ode

Love or loathe the Da Vinci Code nobody could argue that Dan Brown hasn't got a talent for making money.


The Da Vinci Ode

But how difficult can it be. One website has cracked the only code that matters – the one that tells you how to make a Dan Brown novel with tonnes of suggestions for titles and plot lines. The Black Code pits a stunning librarian Amy Brown against the cardinals of the Catholic Church. In Shrubs and Rings an intrepid librarian stumbles upon the trail of the legendary Synarchists. In Secrets and Rings, a beautiful doctor stumblers upon the trail of the Cabalists….you get the idea…..

Now fill 300 or so pages with superfluous waffle, find a publisher, fight the court case, option the movie and collect your winnings – easy peasy. But try making any sense of the real Da Vince Code – now there’s a real challenge.

Kicking and Screaming

The internet has the ideal way to get you in the rugger mode with a conversion game….


Kicking and Screaming

In the virtual world you can be your very own Ronan O’Gara kicking to save the fate of the nation. Log in, choose from a the panel of hardened judges including Justin Harmless, Tommy O’Martian or Andy Farwide and then step up to the posts.

In this game there’s no fear of inclement weather conditions and no physical exertion required. So, people who aren’t traditionally fans of rugby could find themselves enjoying a conversion – if you’ll pardon the pun

Desktop Hammock

What do you get when you cross a computer with a bed? Stumped? It’s obvious - you get a “Computer Bed”


Desktop Hammock

By day the Computer Bed functions as a mild mannered workstation. But by night it sheds it’s office look and with a simple sultry tug of its gas-assisted pistons…..transforms into … a bed.

Now, you can really take your work home or just nod off on the job. Who could resist the practical not to mention stylish advantages of the Computer Bed - available in a range of colours including “Wenge” – presumably that’s a cross between orange and wred.

The 1 and a half thousand price tag is the only reason to re-consider. I suppose you could say, “I’ll sleep on it”…or “I’m working on it”….sorry.

Clocky

When it comes to crackpot inventions there’s no better forum than the internet.


Clocky

What better way to promote your latest gadget to a worldwide network of bespectacled nerds. These days, even academics are getting in on the act.

Visit the online home of the famous Massachussettes Institute of Technology or MIT and you’ll find the clocky – it’s an alarm clock for all serious over sleepers ….with the Clocky every time you hit the snooze button it rolls off the bedside table and relocates somewhere else.

Then the next time the alarm goes off you have to find clocky to hit the snooze button again. Tthis process is repeated ad nauseum until you eventually decide getting up is easier. Clocky even has its own internal processor so it finds a new hiding place each time. If you’d like your own Clocky you’re out of luck – the site say it won’t be commercially available. However they don’t say if Clocky would be immune to a sledgehammer or a shotgun….

World Wide Weather

The Irish like nothing more than pondering the possibility of precipitation, the softness of the day or the length of stretch in the evenings….


World Wide Weather

We should be perfect for an important climate experiment being carried out by one website. Climate change calculations are amazingly complex and require a Croke Park sized rack room stacked with super computers or the help of hundreds of volunteers which is where you come in. Download a simple screensaver which triggers a tiny pc programme which uses a small portion of your processing power to carry out calculations which are then sent back to climate HQ in Oxford…

You and your computer will be helping to build an invaluable scientific resource - which someday could replace the likes of Gerald Fleming. Iif only we could teach the damn things to wink.

Dairy Milk Bouquet

It’s mothers day this weekend and the caring sharing son or spouse will be faced with an annual dilemma, something for the sweet of tooth, or something with fragrant roots…..


Dairy Milk Bouquet

Will it be a box of chocs or a bouquet of flowers. Well, should you avail of this sites services your mother can have the best of both worlds because they specialise in flowers made of chocolate. You can pick up long stemmed milk chocolate roses or tulips, potted milk chocolate foil wrapped flowers or daisy lollipops – and have them shipped directly to your mothers door.

Chocolate flowers aren’t available in your local garden centre so you will have to buy online but imagine the brownie points you’ll pick up for extra effort and all because the lady loves a dairy milk bouquet…..

Rocking All Over the World (Cup)

If you are seriously sick to the back teeth of the traditional World Cup frenzy; well push your dentures back in and join one site for a comical celebs guide.


Rocking All Over the World (Cup)

In Hasselhoff’s guide to his home turf, tour all the world cup venues, and get handy directions for your robot car to take you there.

As well as banging on about Africa pop sensation Bono regales us with famous mate stories and not so incisive football insights – like apparently Italy is the home of the Pope

Or you could just ogle women in Heidi Klum’s "Babe World Cup".

52 Put Down

If you set up a website revealing your devotion to beermat flipping or Lego brick building, you might expect nothing but slagging emails from your old schoolmates.


52 Put Down

And rightly so.

But not Bryan Berg, who either didn’t go to school, or is a black belt in karate. He’s definitely the master of what’s commonly known as “Extreme Card-Building”.

According to his website, Bryan holds the world record for a card tower stretching to twenty-five feet and his Disney Cinderella Castle is officially the World's Largest House of Cards.

He may be the only pro card stacker in the world having completed projects for Coca Cola, Star Wars and the NFL. But for those of you who say card stacking isn’t dangerous enough to be classed as an extreme sport…well think of the everyday risk of paper cuts.

Red Rage

We’ve all heard amazing stories about road rage antics or rock stars being grounded for air rage outrages but in Ireland we have our own special breed of travelling sickness.


Red Rage

Busrage is highly infectious and is contagious amongst those who rely on Ireland’s bus network to get from from a to b.

If you’ve waited too long for the bus that never came or you begrudge another fare rise, fear not, you can find hundreds of like minded ragers on the sites discussion boards.

Or you could sign the petition insisting that CIE management and the transport minister are forced to take public transport to work every day - then we can all look forward to the day when we see Seamus Brennan on a BMX….

The One That Got Away

The Bureau of Missing Socks is the first organization solely devoted to solving the question of what happens to missing single socks.


The One That Got Away

In attempting to answer this conundrum the site leaves no shoe upturned - they’ve got their own SOS or Special Operation Socks, a database of rare and strange socks and a search engine which can help you locate your missing woollies…..

But that’s not all, the bureau of missing socks even has it’s own theme tune…as sung by a man calling himself Doctor Coconuts, oh dear

She Gets Physical

For science students it doesn’t all have to be hard work thanks to Britney's Guide to Semiconductor Physics.


She Gets Physical

As well as being a household name, perfume touting, pop princess according to one website Britney's an expert on everything from radioactive recombination to optoelectronics. The site has published her teachings interspersed with a copious amount of photos…

Well, it’s one way of motivating the apathetic science student and a radical change of direction for a singer whose best lyric thus far has been oops I did it again.

And if the craze continues, will we see Justin Timberlake’s guide to postmodernist art, P Diddy tackling Shakespearean sonnets or worst of all, Bono banging on about Peig Sayers.

Dust Busting Your Crib

If you can’t remember what colour the carpet supposed to be, if your curtains are starting to crust and the kitchen is congealing maybe you need professional help.


Dust Busting Your Crib

Perhaps you should consider the internet’s no 1 site for better housekeeping – home of the squeaky clean housekeeping channel.

This site is for serial tidy uppers – the type of people who spend unhealthy amounts of time dreaming about the suction benefits of a Dyson. Feature articles include If Your Dirty Walls Could Talk, the Great Guest Rush and the 10 minutes new look….

And, just to prove house cleaning is an equal opportunities pursuit, there’s plenty of men involved, including leading home cleaning expert Jeff Campbells with an excerpt from his book called Clutter Control - Putting Your Home on a Diet

Blowin’ Out the Wind

In Asian cultures, the enthusiastic burp is taken as a sign of appreciation of good food but over here the public belch is usually frowned upon and best stifled.


Blowin’ Out the Wind

But, for those who appreciate the release of an audible exhale try the largest collection of digitally recorded belches on the net,

The site has clocked up 15 million visitors with an archive of 550 submitted burps including people burping in their sleep, burping along to famous films and burping hello….

Think you can do better - submit your own belch and for maximum effect consider purchasing a combo case of specially brewed Belcher Soda also available online and guaranteed to give your lungs enough fizzed up firepower to blow a hole in the ozone layer…

Raising the seat

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweet and raise the seat. Some would call this the most basic toilet etiquette but this site has gone a whole lot further.


Raising the seat

In fact, they’ve created the ICBE or International Centre for Bathroom Etiquette specifying rules of engagement when it comes to a proverbial nose powdering. If you’re using someone elses shower should you use their soap; what’s the official stance on public urinal etiquette and which way round should you hang the toilet roll ? This site can help you navigate these hygiene minefields.

It's a dirty but someones gotta to do it…

Black and White Movers

The Grand National, the highlight of the horsey calendar takes place on Saturday and many people will opt for an annual fair-weather flutter.


Black and White Movers

But, if you fancy a less expensive punt there is an online alternative complete with it’s own racy theme tune…

The badger dash is a virtual version of steeplechase with a difference – the difference being that it’s badgers rather than horses racing

At the start of each race pick your favourite four legged fiend and bet from your virtual pot. Remember badgers have poor eyesight but a strong sense of smell so if you’re clever ask your jockey to dangle some pungent cheese in front of their badger and pray that you win by a nose

Satanic Reverses

Remember all that hullabaloo about Stairway to Heaven and whether it contained satanic messages when played backwards well a bloke called Jeff Milner has posted definitive proof on his website…


Satanic Reverses

Play Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust and you’ll hear Freddie Mercury telling you it’s fun to smoke marijuana…

Jeff’s revealed backwards messages in tracks by Britney, the Eagles and it’s time to exorcise the nursery, apparently the Pokemon Rap reversed contains the lyrics I Love Satan..

Grave Concerns

The spirit world can be very easily reached thanks to a website which purports to let you speak to the dead.


Grave Concerns

Communication is via the Mystifying Oracle which spells out answers on a ouija board... we started out by asking...
What’s it like to be dead
The hand said "Not sure..."
We asked "Why not..."
The hand said "Can’t say...."
Frustratingly when we asked how long they were deceased, where did they live, how much is a pint of milk and what were this weeks lotto numbers all we got were a succession of forgots, don’t knows and can’t says...

But when it came to difficult metaphysical questions such as what is the meaning of life the mysterious ouija digits were on much better form...the answer came straight back – a Monty Python film.

Cool Clothes

The fairness of our skin and prolonged exposure to inclement weather, means that many Irish people don’t take to heat very well.


Cool Clothes

When temperatures hit anything above 25 degrees most Irish people are likely to melt rather than tan in the sun. We’d all like to be golden brown, but the reality is always cherry red.

So, why not consider the utilisation of some very cool clothing – like the USB air conditioned shirt. Powered by your pc, the air conditioned shirt has two fans strategically placed on the left and right sides of the back to keep the sweat at bay. And there’s a battery powered version for outdoor excursions. This fantastic gizmo will help you be effortlessly cool this Summer – but careful, it might also make you look like the Michelin man.

What Women Really Want

As Valentines Day approaches many blokes will be trying to put a bit of fizz in their relationship….......here’s some tips on what not to do….


What Women Really Want

Don’t cry in public you’ll look like a weakling

Don’t groom excessively, it’s selfish

Don’t overdance in a nightclub, it’s uncool…

This advice is absolutely guaranteed to work not because I gave it to you but because it was taken from a dating website which was written by women……..for men. If men are from Venus and women from Mars then this site is a shuttle to the foreign land of the female mind - in other words - girlfriend gold. Use it wisely and you could be transfromed from a bumbling idiot into a bristling macho man…….but remember if they ever build a web site letting women know what men really think we’re all in trouble…

Name that toon

Can you name that tune in one ?


Name that toon

Inspector Gadget and He Man are just two of the selections from this cartoon cornucopia which includes images, sounds, episode guides and the definitive guide to kiddies goggle box favourites - covering everything from Alvin and the Chipmunks to Willo the Wisp…

When it comes to music, the 80s may not have delivered great tunes, but the decade should be remembered for delivering great toons…..

Half a Century worth of Gizmos

2006 could well be regarded as the golden age of the gadget.


Half a Century worth of Gizmos

Think about it, the world is awash with miniature music players, electronic organizers, phones that double as digital media players, cameras, tvs and mini computers……but lest we forget our past one magazine has published the 50 greatest gadgets of the last 50 years

The Fit List

Tis the season to be skinny and if the bulge is winning the battle try the site with the top 30 ways to diet.


The Fit List

Number 1 says start by thinking thin - y’know imagine yourself as Pitt or Jolie or even a stick insect and you’re halfway there…..

Tip number 2 says walk it off - all very well provided you can avoid the brass monkeys….

After the basics you can move on - Forget lattes, try pilates, blast the belly fat, tone with tai chi, take the am advantage or dance it off

It might take a while but results will speak for themselves….and the last two instructions are the easiest
Number 29 says get some ZZZZssss…….easily done…..
And, number 30 says reward yourself. Excellent, how about a big greasy slap up meal then

June 29, 2006

Edubabble

The Leaving Cert is here, like a great big sweaty six armed parent staring over students shoulders as they cram as much useless last minute information into their tiny heads as they can.


Edubabble

Help is at hand. Check out this site, which is devoted to lexpionage, the art of inventing new words and phrases.

Prepare for your English exam by stretching your vocabulary and impressing examiners by calling Hamlet a “metrosexual stress puppy” while your mother becomes a “helicopter parent” hovering anxiously as you plough through the books chock full of “edubabble” and…well, you get the point.

Focussing on the end goal and Summer holidays will make things easier or, in lexpionage - "get through the weapon of mass distraction" and look forward to soccer leave in the “summer slide”

June 28, 2006

On the Noggin

Whatever about Posh and Becks, fashion and football don’t always mix and the Guardian’s online newspaper has highlighted some glaring examples in their guide to the World Cups Worst Barnets....


On the Noggin

Step up Carlos Valderrama with a Don King effort which as well as blocking out the sun must have doubled his body weight. Chris Waddle circa Italia 90 had more than a dribbling style that was unorthodox – his mullet was out of this world.

Bobby Charlton’s 1966 comb over was clearly the style which Rab C Nesbitt fashioned himself after. Finally, Brazil may not have made the final in 78, but they were clear winners in the World Cup’s worst barnet - exhibiting a dizzying array of stylings from afros to perms to mullets ensuring they would never be beaten on the noggin.

June 27, 2006

In Urinal Entertainment

One company is the pioneer of world cup in urinal entertainment. The Wee Goal is designed to be inserted into men’s urinals.


In Urinal Entertainment

It contains a wee ball which dangles tantalizingly from the cross bar acting as an irresistible target for the relieving male. The makers say they’re celebrating the beautiful game by giving you a little goal to pee at and the chance to score a wee goal.

But the wee goal has other benefits – research shows it can reduce spillages making toilet cleaning a lot easier. And, for the corporate marketer who wants 55 seconds of undivided male attention the wee goal can be branded with customized corporate logos and messages.

And isn’t it a lot more fun to say you’re going to the bathroom to take a p…p...enalty.

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